chapter 10
The magic is here, now (November)
music: DEbussy
On Tuesday, a few days after Halloween I go for an evening walk around the block. Having gone half way, I stopped and asked the waning, almost full Moon and bright Stars: “How would you write a curriculum? What would it look like?” And returning home, the answer I got was, “We don’t know. We just light up the night.”
Sitting on the couch with Mom, I share their answer with her. She smiles and says, “Well, these are dark times, Sweetie. We need your light to shine in the darkness.” Then I get irritated with both her and myself. “I think I’ve had enough of living light, nature magic, all the woo-woo. Thoreau says we need the tonic of wildness. Maybe I need more wildness.”
Lili straightens up, puts her hands on my shoulders and gazes straight at me. “Sweetie, don’t you see? You are the wildness! You, your project, everything about you is. . . wild. Well, I was going to say wild and crazy! Honestly Hon, what do you really love about Thoreau? He’s a non-conformist, right? He doesn’t conform to the pattern of this world, and neither do you. You keep telling me how you’re transformed by music- being transformed by renewing your mind. Renewing everything. That’s your curriculum, Alice. Right?” Her loving, thoughtful answer totally blows my mind. I actually wipe away tears and give Lili a big hug, telling her how grateful I am to have such an understanding, perfect mom.
Over the next few days I spruce up my Dreams and Ponderings as part one of my year long non-schooling project. I’m calling it Magical Alice. I printed up the chapters I’ve written so far and asked her to read them while I go out for a bike ride. She looks amazed- now it’s my turn to blow her mind. Without a word she takes the pages and starts reading before I’m out the door.
Since the weather was amazing today (75 degrees!) I hop on my bike and I’m off, breathing in the luscious breeze kissing my face. On my way to Table Mesa Shopping Center I stop to listen to a large crow cawing at me from a branch near the bike lane. I slowly tip toe up to him as he checks me out and doesn’t fly away. My jaw drops in disbelief as we hang out together for a while: me staring at his haunting dark eyes and shiny black feathered coat. And he keeps staring at me, tilting his head, doing strange cawing and clicking sounds. Then he flies off, making startling flapping sounds with his huge wings as I watch him sail away into the blue sky.
Soon I’m at Sweet Cow, ordering a small Peppermint Bark cup, pondering what happened. Finding an outside table to sun myself, I start spooning my delicious treat while writing it all down. And I can’t help but think, this feels too weird and synchronous. Maybe it’s a sign. Or at least it means something. But what? I finish my ice cream and smile as I look around and whisper to the air, “My adorable angel, is this your doing? What are you up to now, my magical sister?”
I head back, ready to tell Mom the miracle that happened. As I walk in, I give her a kiss and we sit on the couch together. I share my magical crow adventure and watch her eyes grow large, just like a kid taking in every word. She laughs and says, “That’s so incredible!” Now I’m beaming, and Lili tells me she read the chapters, it’s truly brilliant and so very important for people to read and listen to, adding how very proud she is of her amazing daughter. Then she shoots me a quizzical look, “So Sweetie, how are you planning on getting it out to people?”
I tilt my head and stare at her, just like my friendly crow did to me. “I hadn’t thought about it. Can’t I just put my music and ponderings online, and whoever finds it can enjoy it?” Lili shakes her head. “You’ve written something so unique and magical, and you seem so unconcerned about finding an audience.” I grin and say, “Well, maybe they can find me.”
So there it is. I can’t believe how the days fly by- Halloween happened, and suddenly it’s the weekend after Thanksgiving. Winter’s just around the corner- like my depression used to be. Well, it’s not totally gone- I’m fourteen. But these days if I want to feel depressed, I’ll just check out politics or the latest about Covid. But I pretty much ignore all that. I’m a girl on a mission.
On Thanksgiving day Mom called Dad. Since he promised to pay for my education, she sent him my chapters and told him Magical Alice is part of my homeschooling. So for an early Christmas present, he’s finding a web designer/illustrator, and he bought me a professional digital keyboard and laptop with amazing music software! I can download my French musical offerings with an incredible sounding piano that expresses my moods and brings out the magic (but not like you dearest Ebony- you’ll always be the one I truly love). Anyway, Lili says Magical Alice will be online before spring. Amazing! Joyeux Noël!
And to think it all began with me lying on the grass, loving the warm summer breeze while sky gazing, or the cool spring or fall air while star gazing. Imagining faces in the clouds, or in the night sky, feeling the presence of my dear long dead friends: Thoreau and Debussy; Satie and Ravel. And now Magic playfully soars above me, while the world’s magic embraces me.
When I use the word presence, I don’t mean ghosts or dead souls. I can’t put my finger on it, but when I immerse myself in Walden or his Journals, or fall in love playing or hearing French music, the words or music come to life. They actually dance with a sparkling, breathing, and dare I say it, living light. I feel my friends’ living, loving friendship surrounding me. Encouraging me to be curious, be brave, and march to a different drummer. Like I’ll encourage my readers.
I imagine faces in the clouds, and sometimes I dare to see people who are grateful to me, smiling. Encouraging them to dance in the moonlight with spirit friends. And I’ll smile back and say- if you pause, relax and lose yourself in the moment, maybe you’ll hear the spirits whisper: “Listen! The magic is here, now.”
