Chapter 9

Flying Through the Stars (October)

music: Debussy

My beloved October has two full moons:  Harvest and Blue.  And the Harvest full moon is on Halloween! My time for a harvest! How amazing is that?

Spending a morning on the Google Monster, I now know all about Samhain (sah-wain), the original Halloween celebrated by the druids. That’s when the veil between the visible and invisible worlds dissolve, making magic more available. And bringing love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 

After a heartful evening walk with Mom, the two of us hang out for a bit, then I kiss Mom goodnight and go to bed early.  Opening my bedroom door, I pause to admire the little prayer table she and I made the week after I met my spirit partner. I bend over to light the candles, breathing in the earthy scent from the ceramic bowls filled with dry oak leaves and acorns. 

Everything around me brightens up when I engage my imagination and play with the world. And I don’t forget to include Magic- a perfect name for my new best friend! Most people don’t believe in magic either. But it’s not about belief- it’s about deeply hearing and seeing the world. Having faith that by investigating my world with love and gratitude, magic will happen. And it does.

So now I go to my cushion, sitting up tall and relaxing my shoulders. Taking three deep breaths, I dab away a couple tears and recite my special prayer:  

Magic, my love, take me away with you.

I rejoice and delight in you.

Come to my garden, my sister.

I half-close my eyes and sit.  Doing nothing- just letting go.  Breathing in, I’m aware of my body sitting. Breathing out, I let go. Breathing in, breathing out. After a while, I stare at the candles and think of myself as a living candle, brightening the world.  I enjoy the thought, then let it dissolve. As other thoughts arise, I notice them, smile, and let them go.  Enjoying the stillness. 

When finished, I stand up and thank Drew and the candles, snuffing them out. Plugging my phone into my speaker, the most beautiful orchestra work ever written begins to fill my bedroom: La Mer. A symphony of musical waves and spirals. I change into my satin chemise, and from my prayer table I grab my little bottle of almond oil that I enhanced with a touch of vanilla extract.  Listening to the first movement (From Dawn to Noon on the Sea), I pour some oil into my hands, rubbing them together, inhaling its luxurious fragrance, sweet and spicy. Soon I’m caressing my arms, legs, chest, my whole body. Then I turn off the light and slide into bed, resting my hands on my belly- until the second movement begins (Play of the Waves). 

I close my eyes and flow with the melodies. Impressionist colors swirl through the music. And I feel my guardian angel is here too, her invisible dark blue body hovering above mine, smiling. 

Slowly my hands caress my body in rhythm to the music. The harpist slides her hands again and again across the strings to produce golden glissandos, as I slide my hands over my heart, my breasts. The scent of sweet vanilla arouses my senses as I explore my body- my fingers touching, pressing, making delicious tiny circles while loving myself. 

Now triangles and cymbals flash silver and gold as tingles shiver through me, and I’m breathing faster as the music builds. My closed eyes tighten, and soon I’m seeing twinkling stars. I feel myself floating above my bed, above the house, above the earth. Floating through space, soaring through the stars, carried by velvet clarinets and bright trumpets. My body expands as spiraling melodies create spiral galaxies, and now I’m clothed with stars and spirals.  The intense feelings continue to build up, until suddenly, a starburst of joy explodes and sweeps through my body, as La Mer’s waves crash with cymbals, soaring brass and strings! Ocean waves of pleasure flow through me, over and over. 

My soft panting brings cool air into my body, and I cup my hand over my nose and mouth to breathe in the vanilla’s creamy, warm, sugar cookie smell. I’m startled by its sweet, luscious fragrance, and I wonder if Magic’s enchantment has enhanced all my senses. Now flowing harmonies shimmer silver as quiet harp glissandos return and a sparkling flute melody swirls around me. My breathing slows, and I float on a calm, gentle, cool sea as the music softly, beautifully, comes to an end. I open my eyes and blink a few times, staring up at the ceiling, licking my dry lips to wet them. Taking a few more slow, deep breaths, I close my eyes again, breathing myself back into my body.

Then slowly, out of nowhere they appear.  I see their dark shadows as if I’m dreaming: Debussy standing proud, the conductor smiling at me behind the podium. And all the musicians and the audience and everyone who’s ever played or heard La Mer are cheering me on.  Because I’m the music- surrounded by spirals and the sea, clothed with the moon and stars.  For one bright moment, I’m love and magic.