chapter 7

Bedroom Magic (late august)

music: Debussy

I get up to pee, then head to the fridge to finish off yesterday’s mango smoothie. Heading back to bed, my clock says it’s almost sunrise. So many of my ponderings happen while lying on my back- outdoors or in bed. And now my favorite quote from Debussy appears in my head. I grab my Ponderings book, turn on the light and read it to aloud for the millionth time:

“See the mystery in everything. in The song of the sea, in the wind, and in the call of the birds. Mysterious nature is my religion.”

I stare at the ceiling and once again wonder, what is the mystery that is my religion? Closing my eyes, breathing deeply, I get quiet inside, pondering: what is the mysterious song that’s been hidden for ages, the mystery of enchanting music and the school of nature that I’m here to discover? If I promise to listen with all my heart, will I penetrate the mystery?

Grabbing my phone, I connect it to the Bluetooth speakers on my nightstand. I settle on my Debussy playlist since he’s been on my mind and lie back against the pillows to enjoy my own quiet private bedroom concert while pondering life’s mystery.

I start with Rêverie, his music that most reminds me of dreaming. It usually does the trick. I set it to play softly, hoping it can help me tune out the chattering and doubts in my head, which only stops when I experience the magic. I take a few deep breaths again, turn out the light, stretch out and pull up the covers.

I relax into quiet arpeggios flowing up and down, surrounding me in the dark bedroom. The stream of colorful harmonies invites me in and beckons me to breathe deeply and rest- closing my eyes, dissolving into the music.

One of the coolest things I’ve learned in my fourteen years is that listening closely to music, in the quiet stillness of any given moment, allows you to really feel it. The tones and harmonies vibrate through my entire body, loosening up my tense muscles. They flow up through my chest and into my shoulders, finally pushing the last of my swirling thoughts out of my head, allowing me to merge with the music while we drift off together into the night.

Everything becomes dark and I’m falling asleep, until I notice something: a strange, slightly honey-sweet smell filling the air. I open my eyes and see a morning sky. Then, standing up, I’m surrounded by trees, lined with sticky sap and filled with clusters of luscious wild cherries that are practically splitting open with ripeness, moist and sweet. I breathe it in—moist fruit, sticky bark. All around is tall grass, smelling sharp and green. I smell the ocean now—it can’t be far. Everything is wet, sweet and salty, including me. I look down and notice I’m wearing a thin, purple robe covered with shiny, silvery, sparkling spirals. And before I can wonder what it all means, I’m hearing music come from everywhere.

I gaze up at the trees and hear a soft piano melody seeping down through the branches. It sounds so haunting—luscious dark green melodies and cherry-red harmonies. A buffet of mint cherry music at my fingertips. Then I realize why everything is so weird and wonderful—I’m dreaming! OMG! if this is a dream, I can do anything! Should I fly, or turn into a bird and sing? What now?

Then suddenly, I feel a presence stirring behind me. I whip my head around and find myself staring directly into a startling pair of emerald-green eyes! A beautiful, terrifying (and shockingly naked) woman is standing next to me, smiling. She’s huge, with evening blue skin and shiny black hair. It’s too much. I try to scream in fear, but I’m frozen in place.

I’m panicking, wondering what this strange woman is going to do and why I can’t seem to make my legs work to get the hell away from here. But suddenly she reaches her hand out to take mine and whispers in my ear:

Sing a new song, my love

What’s happening? I’m still frozen in place, but I manage to choke out a meek, “Who… who are you?” Her green eyes sparkle:

I’m magic, and i am with you always.

As she smiles, I feel my body loosen some of its tension in the rhythm of her chime-like voice. She bends down, reaching for my other hand and brings it up to touch her cheek. As I gaze into her sparkling eyes, I can feel warmth and trust wash through me. Then she whispers again, though this time I feel like her voice is inside me, and all around me:

With love and magic, all things are possible.

I repeat the words, slightly dazed. All three phrases emblaze themselves in my memory, ensuring that I’ll never forget them. And I can’t take my eyes off her. While holding me, it feels like we’ve known each other our whole lives, but she’s waited for this perfect moment to finally reveal herself. I smile back at her, then close my eyes, softly repeating her message to me, savoring the moment—loving the magic.

When I finally open my eyes again, I find myself back in bed—my real-world bed—staring at the ceiling. Debussy’s piano music plays softly from my nightstand as the first rays of morning light peek through my window. I lie here for a moment unbelieving, then smiling, ecstatic. I can’t help but pull my covers up over my head and squeal with delight into my soft velvety-cotton comforter.

Oh, my, God! Was it real? Could she be my spirit guide, my guardian angel who came to visit me in a dream, sharing the good news that magic is real, and her name is Magic? And did she, or they, choose me to bring their message out through words and music? I pull the covers back down again, grabbing my pen and journal off the floor to write everything down. Then filled with love and confidence, I open my mouth to sing a greeting into the cool sunrise air:

Good morning, world!

Here’s my favorite picture of my favorite guys:  Claude Debussy on the left and Erik Satie on the right.  
And in the middle is the one who sits quietly, like me.